Why should he choose the time and place for the date?

Setting up the date is one of the most challenging aspects of dating for a lot of women when they first encounter the concept of stepping back and letting the man take the lead.

Let's look at an example sent to me by a client (I'll call her Josie - not her real name). They met online and he planned the first date quite well and it all looked quite good when he got in touch the next day asking to meet again, suggesting dinner.

Here is the exchange of texts from the point where Josie accepted the offer for dinner.

A key concept in dating is to let his actions do the talking, not his words. On the one hand, he is saying, "Wow," and, "That's exciting," yet his actions tell otherwise. He finished his response by indicating he's now going to take the back seat and let her plan the date for them both.

At this point, my advice is to ignore. In my experience with hundreds of girls I've worked with, when a man announces it's "your turn" to plan the date, it never works out to be anything fruitful.

Dating isn't about taking turns. It's not an equal playing field and in this world of equality, that can sound ridiculous to those who are new to the concept of letting a man take the lead. Women that experiment with this however, soon see for themselves the benefits of relinquishing control.

Let him plan every detail of the date. This way, you can see more about him. Does he rise to the challenge? Or does he show you very quickly that he's either not interested in a relationship and after something quick and easy - or simply bored? Besides, so many men these days are not allowed the opportunity to experience the pleasure of planning a date with a beautiful woman because women are jumping right in there and doing it for them! It's not until a good man gets the chance to take care of all of the details that he realises how good it feels to plan a nice date for the two of you.

This is more about weeding out the guys you don't want to waste time with than trying to "make" a man do what you want him to do. The guy in this example is saving Josie a lot of time by showing his true motivations. We know he's not serious about pursuing something with Josie because he's ready to sit back and let her take the reins. Women get frustrated by mixed signals and half-hearted men in their lives. There's one easy way to find out how keen he is - let him lead. He either will or he won't.

Josie is new to these concepts and still feeling her way with messaging men online and mastering the setting up of dates. I wouldn't have recommended her, "What day and when were you thinking?" but it wasn't the end of the world that she wrote it. It was a learning experience for her. She could see for herself that even when she tried to help him along a little bit, he still didn't want to step up, take initiative and set up the date. (If you're a guy reading this - it's so impressive to a girl when you can take control in such a positive way.)

So what should you do if a man tells you, "It's your turn," or "I'd rather leave it up to you. I eat anything!?" Breathe, smile and thank him for not wasting anymore of your time by revealing himself to you. He's quickly eliminated himself and left you open to finding your man who will eagerly plan a date with you because he's absolutely compelled to do so.

Josie has since filled me in with what happened with this guy. She didn't reply to this last message. He messaged her a few times over the next week or two but he never tried to continue setting up the date so she simply moved on to the next guy...

Lynda