A girl recently called a radio station here in Sydney, complaining about a Tinder date. The date was breakfast on a Sunday morning but on the morning of the date, the guy sent her a text saying he'd had a big night with his mates the night before and probably still had too much alcohol in his system. Would she come over and pick him up? She agreed. (Yes, you read correctly - she agreed!!)
Picking up her car keys, she got in her car, drove to his place, picked him up and took him to a nearby cafe for breakfast. Ravenous, he ordered pretty much everything on the menu.
Just as he finished his meal, his phone rang. He excused himself and went outside to take the call. Fifteen minutes later, when he hadn't come back in, the girl paid for the breakfast and went outside to find him. He was there, still on the phone. When she told him she paid for breakfast he said, "Thanks for that," without offering to pay.
The topic for the radio station call-in was whether the man should pay on a date. This guy not only didn't pay his share of the breakfast bill, he got away with having her pay for the entire feast. From my point of view, this was the least of her worries.
This is a great rort he has going here. Think of it from his point of view. He knew he was going to have a big night out with the boys on Saturday night, so he scoured Tinder for a girl who would be gullible enough to pick him up and take him out for a free breakfast to cure his Sunday morning hangover. If someone is willing to oblige, why wouldn't he do it?!
Of course, I'm not defending his behaviour. It takes a certain character to be so brazen. The fact remains that these guys only get away with this behaviour when there is someone willing to enable it!
So my question is, what was her first mistake in all of this?
One lady wrote on my Facebook page, where I first posted this story, that her first mistake was swiping right! This may be true but can we really know who we are making contact with on a dating app? Not really, but there is a lot we can do to protect ourselves from horrible date experiences like these.
I'll begin with her first mistake, although there were many mistakes along the way - mistakes that probably began even before the point where she started her story on that call to the radio station. More on that later...
MISTAKE #1 - AGREEING TO A SUNDAY MORNING DATE
I suggest to girls that all first dates with online guys should be in the early evening, lasting around an hour and consisting of coffee or a drink. Sunday morning breakfast is far too casual. Her story is the perfect example of why Sunday mornings are not a great idea. Where is the ambience of early evening and the effort of dressing nicely, meeting a lady for a drink so he can look into her eyes and begin to uncover her mystery? It's a clear indication that this guy is not looking for a relationship. She found out the hard way that he was looking for someone to take him to breakfast after a big night with the boys and he really hit the jackpot because she paid!
MISTAKE #2 - AGREEING TO PICK HIM UP
If a guy texts you before any date saying his blood alcohol level is probably not legal for driving, read no further. He's telling you a lot about himself right there. Is he a nice guy because he didn't get in his car and drive while he's over the limit? It depends on your point of view I guess. I would be inclined to suggest that he's not serious boyfriend material and your reply should be, "Sorry, I can't pick you up. Some other time." There won't be another time of course. Delete!
MISTAKE #3 - BEING ALONE IN A CAR WITH A GUY YOU'VE NEVER MET BEFORE
Safety first girls! Didn't your parents tell you when you were young not to get in the car with strangers? Common sense applies no matter how old you are. You don't know anything about a guy you've just met on Tinder or any other dating app. Always meet in a public place, stay for no longer than an hour and go home. This girl is lucky that the guy she picked up was only hungover, lazy and disrespectful. He could have been much worse!
MISTAKE #4 - NOT CHECKING HE WAS STILL OUTSIDE BEFORE PAYING FOR BREAKFAST
Don't voluntarily pay for the meal unless he has completely disappeared. She should have checked he was still outside on the phone first before offering to pay. It's understandable she was embarrassed and may not have wanted to draw attention to herself but a quick word to a nice staff member would have helped. If she saw him outside still on the phone, she can tell the staff member he is there, pay for her part of the meal and then leave. Let them talk to him outside while you're walking back to your car and taking yourself home.
There are other questions I have about this date:
Did she message him first on Tinder?
Did she ask him out first?
If she hadn't made first contact, he may not have shown any initiative in asking her out at all. Hers is a perfect example of why we don't ask guys out. It's made this whole scam so much easier for him. It took such little effort on his part to get a free pick up to a free breakfast with a willing participant. She was indignant about being forced to pay the bill. I agree this is not a decent guy at all. But she also needs to look carefully at the big part she played in enabling this behaviour.
What's the moral of the story here?
This is not a nice guy but he would have been weeded out very quickly and none of this would have happened, had this girl had some clear, healthy boundaries in place.
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