There is a phenomenon I'm noticing among some women that I find fascinating. A beautiful, intelligent, woman will be able to walk away from a good guy who is proving not to be the right man for her yet she will find it virtually impossible to tear herself away from a not-so-nice guy.
Case in point: Sarah was dating a man called Mike for several months. He was not long out of a marriage and had young children but was very happy to court Sarah with romantic dinners on Saturday nights.
Mike was a good man who showed many signs of being really into Sarah. He would ask her out by Wednesday for Saturday on the weeks he didn't have his children and then on the weeks that he did have them and wasn't available on Saturday night, he tried very hard to see her at an alternative time that was convenient to Sarah, because he missed her. He was chivalrous: opened car doors and pulled her chair out and always spoke respectfully.
However, there were some key points missing. After some months, Mike still hadn't introduced Sarah to his friends and family . He also hadn't bought romantic gifts or flowers. He made a lot of promises about introducing his children, but the months passed and the right time never seemed to arrive.
Sarah saw the writing on the wall and ended it with Mike. While at first he seemed devastated and he protested and begged for her to come back, asking her how he could make things right, he made it very obvious that marriage was not an option for him at any point in the future. Sarah made the difficult decision to walk away. It was the right thing to do. A man who is marriage minded will never let the girl of his dreams slip away.
Being very proactive, Sarah got straight back online and began dating others, and went to as many singles events as she could. A few months after things were over with Mike, Sarah was dating someone else called Jim.
Unfortunately, all was not rosy in this new scenario either. Although Jim was much more passionate in his expressions of love for Sarah, he exhibited behaviour that was showing distinct signs of "BUYER BEWARE". He complained that Sarah was not doing her part in the courtship. It was always he who had to travel to her and it shouldn't be so hard that she would travel to him if she cared about him. There were many criticisms of Sarah that indicated to me that he was not an emotionally healthy man.
Sarah found it very hard to break away from this man as he had been giving her the adoration she had missed when she was dating Mike. She loved feeling loved. It was intoxicating. Then when he criticised her boundaries, her heart sank. She felt guilty and wanted to explain herself to him, and tell him that of course she was interested in him but she just didn't want to be driving to his place every weekend. Sarah felt the need to do more to please Jim.
This relationship continued much longer than it should have. But as this was happening, I noticed many other situations around me, just like this one. It gave a new validity to the "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" concept. These manipulative tendencies have a powerful effect on so many women. It's a dangerous track to head down and rapidly spirals out of control. I know of another beautiful woman who can't get away from a man who didn't propose after a year. His manipulations to keep her hanging around are working. She can't let go.
Emotionally healthy men don't have these controlling and manipulative tendencies so it's much easier for women to move on from these guys. Mike was a good man. Although Sarah was hurt, she was able to walk away. Jim constantly manipulated Sarah and she had difficulty breaking away.
Interesting isn't it? Are you caught up with a guy who's treating you mean? These dysfunctional relationships can go on for years - often the best years of your life.
If you think you are in a manipulative, unhealthy relationship like this, please get in touch and let's talk about how you might begin to move forward.
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