Are you tired of being hurt by guys who don't seem to be backing up their words with their actions?
One of the biggest issues for women in dating, is whether or not they can trust the guy. He might be really nice at first, she finds herself falling in love and then suddenly she discovers he has a wife and kids, or is sleeping with other women behind her back or he flies into a rage out of nowhere one day. We’ve all heard the horror stories or lived it ourselves but here are five ways that you can ensure that this doesn’t happen to you.
Don't get involved with a married or unavailable man in the first place.
If you're looking for drama, here's a great place to start. The minute you start dating a man who is married, in a relationship or unavailable for any other reason, you are setting yourself up for a tumultuous rollercoaster ride that is not only going to end in tears but will be full of tears throughout. As the reality of the situation sets in, the fun fades quickly. She demands that he leave the other woman, he says he will but he doesn't, he starts pulling away, she starts acting crazy and it's a great big mess. And let's be honest here, it's just not right. He's not yours to make demands on, regardless of what he's saying to you. We girls need to stick together, not be home-wreckers, which is what you're trying to do by getting involved with him and demanding he leave. Without getting into all the ins and outs and the debate about right and wrong, the bottom line is, don't do it if you want a relationship that's meaningful, honest and easy and especially if you don't want your heart to be dragged from pillar to post.
Most women don't want to date unavailable men anyway, so how can you guarantee that he's not? This brings me to the other four points.
Only see him once a week at first, for Saturday night dinner dates only.
If he’s only asking you to “hang out” with him and he’s not putting in a sterling effort to make your dates special, then here is your first red flag. For the first few weeks, you should only be seeing him on Saturday nights. If he’s consistent with this, you can then accept another date for during the week sometime, as well as your Saturday night dates. Saturday nights are a special night of the week. It’s date night. If he’s not choosing to spend it with you, then it’s a sign that you're not his dream girl. It could also be a sign that he has a wife and kids at home and is committed to them!
He needs to ask you out by Wednesday for Saturday night.
If you’re accepting dates any later than this, you’re doing yourself (and him!) a disservice. A guy is not going to miss his chance to see his dream girl by asking her out last-minute. These days most girls accept dates very last-minute all the time so he may need a little bit of “training” but it’s worth turning him down if he hasn't asked you out by Wednesday. Why? First of all, you don't know if he’s calling you because the first six or seven girls have said no! Or he may have seen a window of opportunity to get away from his wife for the night. Secondly, you’re showing him that you value yourself and your time. You are a busy lady with a lot going on and it’s rarely convenient to just drop everything and go out on a last minute date. And even if you did have that night free, you should still not accept the date. Don’t tell him why, just say nicely that you’d love to but you’re busy. When he can’t get you last-minute, he will appreciate you so much more. If there’s a football game he really wants to see, don’t you think he’ll book tickets well in advance to ensure he doesn’t miss out?
Don’t sleep with him for a while and especially not until you’re confident you’re the only one.
This is a big one that often causes heated debate. Of course they want to sleep with you straight away. That’s great! It means he’s physically attracted to you. But it certainly doesn’t mean he’s in love with you or committed to you, nor is it reason enough to do it because you’re also physically attracted to him. His hunter instinct will have him chasing what he wants. If you wait a few weeks (or preferably a few months), you’ll know with confidence that he’s not just looking for sex. If a guy is consistently asking you out on Saturday night dates without having sex with you at the end of the night, you’re increasing his chances of falling in love with you and appreciating you on an entirely new level. If you sleep with a guy too soon, you’re throwing water over his fire. You haven’t allowed him time to pursue, which he needs to fall madly in love. The other benefit is that if he's married or a player, he won't be bothered to make the effort with you. He wants something quick and with as little fuss as possible. A lot of women pretend that they don’t care if a guy doesn’t call them the next day after sex, or if his interest drops immediately after. But let’s be honest: Who wouldn’t rather a situation where a man is clearly head-over-heels with you and longing for the moment he can see you again? It should be a carefully thought-out decision when you sleep with a guy. If you want to avoid being hurt, wait at least a few months for signs of his love and commitment to you.
Stay polite and sweet when turning him down and don’t let him convince you to change your mind.
Don’t get angry with him or hang up on him in a huff because you are thinking to yourself, “Hmph! Well if he really wanted to see me that much, he would have called me days ago!”
Don’t take it personally. Take it as an opportunity to see what he’s really made of. If he’s the right guy, he will step up his game. If he’s a player, or he’s married, or he’s an angry man, his game will soon be up. Simply say, “I would have loved to but I’m busy, sorry!” and keep your tone sweet. If he’s trying to initiate sex, stay outside of your house and his until you’re ready and turn him down sweetly. Don’t let him talk you out of it. Some guys will not let up and try to convince you to change your mind. Just keep saying, with a smile, “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Don’t tell him why. You don’t owe him an explanation. It’s the chance for him to prove himself to you, without you having to tell him so. When it comes to sex, after a few weeks you may need to say something (with a sweet smile) like, “I’m an old-fashioned girl and I’d like to wait a little while.” If he gets angry and abusive? There’s a clear answer to move on right away. He’s showing you his true colours early on and it’s up to you to listen!
All of this is not easy to do at first, especially if you're very attracted to him or he's intoxicating you with his compliments and promises of loving you forever. You need lots of support from like-minded women (or a coach!) to stay strong. Your poise, confidence and firm boundaries, will reveal more about him than from you trying to demand the truth from him. It’s also very important not to relax your standards the longer you've been dating him. He can see you all he likes when you’re married!
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